You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
