im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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