I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
