Jerry, you need to find god
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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