So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
