K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize