Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize