I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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