Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
