No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
