I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
