i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
