That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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