I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
