did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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