Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
