"it" just moved
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
