i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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