so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
