just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
