i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Come see our sink grown plant.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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