Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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