At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
