you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
nutella sex= disaster
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
