in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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