Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
