Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
