I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The air was thick with penises
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
