you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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