I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
