he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm passing your future prison.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
