Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
