I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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