ya dads aren't the best wingmen
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
