I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
