my phone needs a breathalizer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would ride that face into the sunset
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
