dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
