Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
