fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
