i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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