Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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