Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
