it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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