I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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