There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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