I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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