If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
