I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
