I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize