if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
