when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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