My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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