you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
