Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
