people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
