Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
