we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
