fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So many bounce houses so little time
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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