dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
