We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
