I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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