We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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