Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
