Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize